🔗 Share this article

The current year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal quirks suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {